One night over the holidays, I found myself sobbing in my bedroom, alone and distraught. I felt isolated and disconnected, but this time, for once in my life, not because of my intentions to be that. I totally pulled the victim card by wallowing in the fact that I wasn’t where I wanted to be in this new city of mine at the end of 2015. Friends weren’t abundant, even though I do know many people here. Family wasn’t here with us to celebrate the holidays, even though my husband and I requested romantic time by ourselves. My clients were all busy and away with their own families, even though I was still working. The future of my business was blurry, even though I had clearly laid out plans and commitments. My health was getting the back seat in favor of holiday temptations, even with how much I care about flow in the body. I haven’t met with my personal sister circle of support in months, even though there were chances to do so. I just felt completely alone. I threw a tantrum with myself, proclaiming how angry I was that I was feeling this way during my most favorite month of the year. During my birthday month, at that, it was only a few days away. However, I knew there was no one to blame.
Through the tears, I felt her. My sweet, gentle, higher self, that Wise Woman within me who was caressing my back and holding me as the mess I was. I needed to be heard and felt and honored and acknowledged, and she was there with me as I briefly stepped back into my old patterns. The one difference was that I had complete awareness around it through the whole tantrum. I knew I was being messy, victim-y and headed down the road that wasn’t my destiny. This is how I knew that the last remnants of these were healing in me. This is how I could feel and access that gentle Wise Woman that is ever present. She knows that I needed to release and feel my desires even more to step into that powerful creator energy I wanted to be in. I had to once again feel the pain of possibility that I am unloved or don’t belong, our deepest human needs, in order realize that the greatest love I want is within me. This is what creates my reality from the inside out.
As I wallowed to myself in my bedroom that day, looking around at how blessed I was and simultaneously grateful for my life as I was distressed about it, I asked myself “what the hell do I want then?!”
It was in that moment that I realized what my theme for 2016 was going to be: connection.
I wanted to be constantly surrounded by people I love and admire, to be honored and recognized for who I am and to be inspired by the diversity of souls on an everyday basis - just like I had experienced in my mastermind this past year. My goals and ambitions (which are usually high to begin with, I’m a Capricorn you see) were out of alignment with who I was being, which is why they felt so far away. Another realization I had was that I was three or four steps ahead, instead of focusing on the present, the step that can move me closer to all that I wanted to accomplish and experience. This is ironic because I teach my clients this same concept, but we teach what we need to master, right?
I know we are always evolving into our greatness by letting go of what’s simply “good”. I felt like the holiday season was, for me, a gateway into my next level of living as a sovereign woman, business owner and mentor. I know there is always a silver lining and that I am supported beyond measure. I know the powerful keys to magnetizing everything I ever want with ease. Still, I am human. The one difference that I believe sets apart Pro’s from Amateurs is the ability to pull ourself out of challenging situations with grace. This was my chance to actively use the tools that I know to pull myself out and into my greatness.
And so, with one day left to my birthday which was on Christmas eve, I did just that. I reached out for support, I set and clarified intentions, I expressed myself fully to release any old, sticky energy and I rested. I was NOT going to feel like that on my birthday and I went into full release mode. I let go of figuring out why I was feeling like this or over analyzing how I could ‘get my life back on track’ which sounds so extreme and silly saying that thought now. Come to find out a few days later there was cosmic energy that was on point with what I was going through.
Great as that was to hear, I truly see the significance of all of this happening right before I entered into a new birth year, before the birth of a new calendar year and before the birth of my first group program. There are no coincidences and no shortcuts. The only way out is through.
To my surprise, my birthday was a HUGE success! I did absolutely nothing and stayed at home, but I received countless birthday wishes, texts, photos, voicemails and love. I felt amazing, loved, honored, recognized, special and important.
At the end of the day, I had an a-ha moment. I wondered why birthdays are so great and fulfilling, besides the whole presents thing, and especially when one does nothing for the entire day. How can it be that I feel so good and connected just by the communication I was having with my loved ones?
Because I was completely open to receiving.
I went into the day completely relaxed, knowing I had no obligations and my only job was to receive. Ah, yes. The power of the feminine that we so often forget in today’s society. My biggest life lesson, as is for so many women these days. Already, at 33, I’ve done so much inner work around feminine principles and receiving, knowing the magnitude that my magnificence holds, and yet…there is always room for growth and healing.
I share this with you to remind you beautiful souls that it is ALWAYS your job to focus on receiving over anything, and in order to fully receive, you need to be relaxed and open enough to do so. From this place, cheesy as it sounds, you will experience everything you ever wanted. From this place, everything is literally possible. Only from this place will wisdom be shown to you, my darling. Only with this level of living will you be able to have the freedom that you really want. Start now by focusing on how you can get more relaxed and open.
EXERCISE: Look back to your best birthday ever…focus on you, not anyone else or what anyone else did. How relaxed were you? How open were you? How much capacity did you have to receive, from yourself and from others? What was different about YOU that day than the others? What did you do or think differently? Take this reflection into your life right now to start calling in what you want to manifest in the most natural way you can, simply by your being.
All of my ambitions, goals, dreams that I thought weren’t my reality on that day in my bedroom, simply were revealed to me when I understood that connection is what I craved the most, and that I had it at my fingertips. Connection was the first step.
Here is what Connection looks like for me this year.
- consistent connection with my self, caring for my body and mind daily, weekly and monthly by making time for my needs no matter what.
- consistent connection with my husband and family, honoring their needs more and expressing mine more clearly.
- consistent connection with my friends, virtual and in person by actively seeking out new activities and communities to get involved with.
- consistent connection with my tribe, my business, my clients and my communities that I’m creating by showing up more fully and often.
- being in community with like-minded souls in different capacities of both business and personal all over the country.
- calling people instead of texting or emailing them.
- responding to people instead of assuming they know that I heard them.
- reaching out for help and support more often when I feel low resourced.
- offering my support and resources more to my clients, family, friends and community.
- branching out of my comfort zone into new experiences that are scary but exciting.
- making travel a priority this year so I can see friends and enjoy life more on a consistent basis.
- connecting to my style again with a ‘fitted and funky’ focus this year.
- connecting my business and my brand together to create a revolutionary experience both online and off.
- speaking at and hosting events and workshops often.
- more to be revealed to me each minute….
I really want to know…What is YOUR theme for 2016?
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