"How the hell do I follow my heart?"

I’d like to share the stirrings of my own heart this week, in hopes you can find some inspiration for your own life. Maybe a sign to keep going or turn around. I just want to offer you my truth, trusting that it will serve you in some way.

I’m preparing for what is going to be a very powerful workshop and women’s circle live in the Bay Area on Friday, so my mind and heart are swirling around this topic. I’m tuned into the energy of the women who will attend, holding space for their transformation already while still healing and working through my own version of an Identity shift. It’s wild! This is my life. 

I’ve asked this question for many many years now…

How the hell do I follow my heart?

Ive never really come up with a succinct answer, it just happened through a series of very fortunate and conscious events. I first learned what obstacles were in the way, so I could make the process feel lighter. I then had to hone the habits that support my becoming. Now, as I continue to shift more into the divine feminine as a leader, mentor, coach, friend, daughter, sister and lover, I am now understanding the deep truths that are emerging that are quite scary for this superficial world we are used to. There is a power within me (and I believe within all of us women, especially those reading this) that is exquisitely grand, ready to roar and bestow love on women who need healing. My life is ready to expand, and my heart has been doing so lately.

I have been thinking back to how I pulled off so many successes and dreams, how I have led with heart. I’m reminiscing on how I overcame the weight of our inherited instruction and ingrained beliefs to play small as well as how painful that felt. I knew I was always meant for something greater than the status quo, but how could that happen when my heart was aching, when I had no clue how I was going to get there or what I even wanted? How the hell do I follow my heart?!

As with most processes, it all starts with release. We can’t pick up something new until we put down what we’re still holding onto. I visualized my heart being surrounded by overgrown weeds and tall walls of protection. I saw it as a scary place, an untrustworthy and dangerous place that if anyone got a glimpse of her (my heart), she would be toast. My unhappiness was a sign I was neglecting her, but I couldn’t find the courage to honor her. 

So, I found my way to her through my inner wisdom’s direction:

 

take down the walls of obligation

tumble the bricks of the past

cut the thorns of people pleasing

put out the fires of overwhelm

 

and let your heart breathe again.

give her space and love and attention and stillness.

care for the body holding her together.

listen to the subtle whispers,

honor the feelings she offers you

and find the flutterings of her desire

in the time she wants to show them to you.

 

And over time, with the right help, support, structures and boundless love, I learned how to do this. And I’m still learning how. Everyone is my teacher: the animals, my relationships, my clients, strangers, my mentors, celebrities, my family. We, as women, are Queens by birthright. We have the power to rule with heart or rule with hate. In order to heal this planet, it starts with us. Everyone is looking to us to set the example and have the courage to just START. So I am setting that example. I stumble sometimes, but I always come back to her. It is so worth it. 

If you live in the Bay Area or would like to come visit, read more about my event Living From The Heart. We have limited spots left and it would be an honor to have you. I know the the women who are feeling the calling are meant for monumental shifts in their life. I’m honored and grateful to be providing this opportunity for more women to know and understand what it takes to live, love and lead with heart. 

May your week, no matter the outcome of this crazy election, be full of heart. What stirs within her, love? Do share below in the comments. 

Do you need to amp up your self care? This is the secret to lasting success and fulfillment. Join the #SelfCareChallenge and I, along with the other 13 Self Care Ambassadors will tell you all about it! The revolution starts February 1st, 2017. CLICK HERE to join.

How to Increase The Pleasure in Your Life

Let’s continue with the inner Queen theme from the past few weeks, as I’m focusing on this in my own life and in the sisterhood group I lead. One of the biggest aspects of a Queen’s life is pleasure. Everything she does is revolved around it from the most lavish ceremony like a coronation to the most mundane ritual like bathing. It is through connecting to this way of being that we can begin to remember one of our biggest superpowers as women, the ability to feel

What do you think of when you think of pleasure? I know what you’re thinking and it’s much more than sexual.

Pleasure, to me, is simply pleasing the senses. Pleasure is luxury, when something is so beautiful that you can’t help but cherish it. Pleasure is the quality of life you experience in so many ways. Whatever lights you up and makes you feel good on any level is pleasure. 
 

When we start to experience more pleasure in our life, we actually become more relaxed, powerful, in flow, aligned, magnetic, confident, worthy, capable and deserving because our nervous system comes into balance. Your life will become way more meaningful and exciting when you indulge in pleasure often. This is the basis of self care! 
 

Pleasure can be found anywhere and at any time, not just in the bedroom. What I see most often, though, through myself and my clients, is we often forget we have access to pleasure, that we may not deserve pleasure or that we are only looking for extravagant ways to have it. Intellectually, we may know this is not true and that we totally deserve all of this. However, it’s quite another thing to embody this belief and truly cultivate pleasure often. 
 

Pleasure only exists in the present

So, get out of the future, stop worrying, forget about the past and bring yourself back into the now! The way to start embodying it is simply to choose pleasure in every moment instead of waiting for it to happen to you. 


Still not sure how to experience pleasure in every moment? I get it, sometimes it’s easier said than done coming into the present moment. That’s why I want to share one really simple technique to give you a way to playfully bring yourself into the present.

Seduce your senses

Become aware of all of your senses and how you can experience these gifts even more. Sometimes we are so numb to our senses or even take them for granted, am I right? So let this be a reminder for you to get back into the swing of your senses so you can make your life WAY more enjoyable! Here is a way for you to tap into more pleasure in your life:


 Make a list of all that you enjoy with your senses. Ask yourself these questions in your journal:

  • What do I LOVE to feel?
  • What do I LOVE to see?
  • What do I LOVE to hear?
  • What do I LOVE to taste?
  • What do I LOVE to smell?

Then, make it happen! Look for ways to bring your specific examples into your life or even recognize that they exist already. 

 

 

YOUR TURN! 

What will you start to indulge in more of?  Email me back!

How To Set Boundaries Like a Queen

Do you find it hard to set boundaries for yourself?
Do boundaries seem a bit elusive or even completely foreign to you?
Do you struggle with having the confidence to stand up for yourself?


We all have heard how important boundaries are, but I find that most women avoid boundaries because they think it will KEEP them from getting closer to others or it will mean they have to give up being the generous care-taker they like to be. What happens is that they sacrifice themselves for the good of the cause or someone else that may be more deserving. 

Can you relate? I sure can! I spent most of my life living as a people pleaser, over-giver and target of people taking more from me than I was comfortable with...and then wondered why I wasn't happy. I had NO boundaries at all, and in fact, I thought boundaries were mean. So, I kept getting let down, hurt, taken advantage of and frustrated. It was an unsustainable cycle of emotional destruction. 

But over the years I came to realize the ONE thing that could save me from all of this inner turmoil: boundaries! It was an interesting & challenging discovery for me and I want to share my secrets with you that will make a HUGE positive impact on your life, your confidence, your business growth, your relationships, your health and your happiness..basically ALL areas of your life!

Babes, it's time to skill up by setting boundaries!

I just hosted a free training call on this topic and I want to share that with you and include the bullet points of what I mentioned in the call. However, the call is much more lush and dynamic with live interaction so I highly suggest you make some time and listen to the whole entire thing (almost an hour and a half) because you NEED this information, darling, and I'm just sharing a quick overview here (although still helpful, I hope).

Boundaries

To set boundaries, you first have to have high self worth and know yourself really well. You must know yourself because how can you protect yourself without knowing yourself? Boundaries are helpful when they protect your most sacred parts of yourself but still allow room for connection and vulnerability. So, a big part of boundaries is remembering who we are and what we truly value so we know how to protect those best. 

Boundaries are also not demands we make out of superiority or hold blame for another person in any way. They give others a choice and a chance to connect with us, learn from us and show up in their most powerful potential. By not setting boundaries, we deny others the chance to show up in their best light. When we don't set them we allow ourselves to get taken advantage of and feel resentful, hurt, unloved, manipulated or triggered. It's also a form of avoiding ourselves and our truth when we don't set them. 

By setting boundaries, we increase our quality of life, enhance our relationships, increase our self worth, increase our confidence and feel more safe in our body and being so we can shine bigger and brighter. 

 

The Queen

This archetype (and I share what this means in the call) helps you find your inner authority and power to create your life authentically and set boundaries with ease. She has the essence of a grounded and gracious woman who is courageous and confident in everything she does. More about the Queen and why I love her in the call. Use this archetype to embody her essence when setting boundaries.

 

 

How to set boundaries like a Queen

 

Identify Your Needs

Again, you can't protect what you don't know you are protecting and usually when we feel negative from a situation or person it's because we are not getting a need met in some way. We usually don't know we need boundaries until they are crossed. What do you really need? (more details and specific questions to ask yourself in the video).

Manage Your Energy

When you come from a Queenlike energetic space, you will be naturally magnetic and respectful, which helps enlist the other person into your needs and creates a harmonious interaction. As soon as you lose it, get angry, start yelling, argue or try to convince someone they are wrong, you lose your power. It's then time to get back into your body and that calm energy.

Use Constructive Language

Make sure everything you say is in ownership of your actions and feelings. "i" statements are really helpful in setting boundaries that are clear and non-judgey so no one will be defensive. 

Clarify Consequences

You have to be willing to take action if someone crosses your boundary or tell them what will happen, not tell someone else to do something. What will happen if they do?

 

Next Steps

  • Set aside time to really watch this recording, I think you will find it fascinating and truly eye-opening. At the end, I live-laser-coach one woman who needs some support around boundaries and the clarity and results that come from it are super helpful for both her and all the listeners. 
     
  • Dedicate more time to dig deeper and journal on these 4 phases of boundary setting for different situations in your life, like family, business or relationships so you know where you might be falling short. Take the time to dive into this asap because boundaries are easier when set in the beginning or in preparation instead of in the moment. 
     
  • Finally, see where you need support to truly harness your self worth and begin to set boundaries from an empowered, authentic and easy place. None of us can do it alone, so find and ask for the support you need to help you.

 

If you would like to explore ways that I can support you in this, as I help many clients become successful in moving through self doubt, being stuck, disconnected and disempowered, you can schedule a complimentary 45-minute Inspiration Session here.

I would absolutely love to able to support you one on one in this way. If you schedule time with me, we will uncover what you specifically need to focus on and how you can begin now, and of course ways for us to continue working together if it is a right fit. 

There are only a few spots left in my roster for the spring/summer, so if this feels exciting and enticing (even if it sounds scary or uncertain) I invite you to schedule your free session with me now. I believe in the power of a courageous YES, that can only be FELT in the body. Right now, I am looking for those courageous women who are ALL IN for creating their life of deep connection, success and feminine flow. 

 

YOUR TURN!

What was most valuable for you from this blog post or video? Please share in the comments below.

The Power of Silence

Few times in life do women actually get total approval for being any way we want to be. Where anything goes and we get a “free pass” if you will. I think of being pregnant, being an infant or young child and those with medical issues. There is total acceptance of whatever we want to say or do during those times and all guards are down. We feel taken care of with compassion and are completely free to be our true selves (no matter how unattractive, crazy or emotional we get). Nothing we do is “too much”, people adjust around us and we are seen with pure eyes. Isn’t that interesting? 

I had simply accepted this as a fact until recently. Two weeks ago I attended a spiritual feminine luxury retreat with 9 other women in Palm Springs. We were to have no technology, dive into ancient feminine teachings, conduct sacred sister circles and be initiated as a “Queen”. Archetypes like the Queen or Warrior are a huge part of spirituality. They hold the role to play when seeking to embody truth and power. Little did I know, though, that this was a half-silent retreat. That meant every night after circle we would go into silence until lunchtime the next day. 

For someone who has never done anything like this before, I was scared and shocked, which is an understatement. How were we to communicate? How will we pass the time? We were sharing rooms and bathrooms, how was this going to work? I had to put full faith in my mentor and myself to trust the process, which I have been working on in my life lately anyway. This was a powerful opportunity to put this trust into action. It was time for me to step up my spiritual game and accept whatever came up. 

As with any first time, it was a little awkward. I wanted to connect with the lovely women around me! I wanted to ask questions and laugh! I wanted to talk about what we just learned. When I was left to myself, in the actual presence of the other women, I didn’t know how to handle my emotions or feelings. I felt the energies of everyone, but was forced to be with only mine. What I realized was that I had been denying myself for so long. 

Part of being a Queen is honoring her own time, space and body. She doesn’t seek attention, acknowledgement and social activities when there are decisions to be made or deep learning to understand. She knows what she needs and never has to explain herself. She knows she holds the power for change in herself and her Queendom. With great power comes great responsibility. She sets strong, healthy boundaries.

That silence was a boundary to protect our process of everything we had just learned and felt. It kept us incredibly present and created space for the information or whatever feeling that came up to ‘land’. It allowed us to be in our bodies, not in our heads, to embody our truth we intrinsically are as women. It was permission to feel and be any way we wanted to. There was no judgement and no criticism from ourselves or the others. There was only love, acceptance, compassion and freedom. This is where we, as women, are safe to shine. 

Instead of succumbing to the belief that we only get a few chances to be completely free and authentic, I now understand that once we sit with who we are without distractions, we find our safety. In that safety, we have freedom. It is when we let our minds or outside circumstances take control that the perception of safety is absent and we aren’t able to claim our power. Our power is in our being and our body, not our doing or intellect.

When women feel safe, anything is possible. When we create our own safety through silence and space, we allow our full self to completely emerge. Our unique power is ignited and people around us will adjust to it. Just like a pregnant woman, baby or ill patient, everyone else will see us with pure eyes and compassion. They will either accept our power and be led by it or be repelled and go the other direction. Our needs are served when they are felt and honored by ourselves first. (TWEET THAT)

With that gift of silence, we were all able to see ourselves easier, to let things truly sink in and understand what it means to have power as a woman. All the logistic awkwardness worked out, too. You can still communicate in silence. Who knew?  ;)

Technology such as phones, Facebook, TV, music or apps as well as engagement with others can be a distraction from what we really need to thrive, and inevitably keep us stuck. There is a time and place for it - I’m not suggesting to go all hard-core no technology. However, l invite you to give yourself enough space and time to discern when healing and processing need to be honored. You can have this whenever you need. Trust the process. 

This concept has changed my life. I believe it has to experienced before one can fully understand it. I’ve heard about going off the grid my entire life, but not until 32 years in did I accept the challenge. Oh, and Sacred Sisterhood helped.

 

Have you experienced going off-the-grid? If so, I’d love to hear all about it in the comments! If not, how and when can you create some off-the-grid silence in your life? 

 

Silent hugs,