Do you find it hard to set boundaries for yourself?
Do boundaries seem a bit elusive or even completely foreign to you?
Do you struggle with having the confidence to stand up for yourself?
We all have heard how important boundaries are, but I find that most women avoid boundaries because they think it will KEEP them from getting closer to others or it will mean they have to give up being the generous care-taker they like to be. What happens is that they sacrifice themselves for the good of the cause or someone else that may be more deserving.
Can you relate? I sure can! I spent most of my life living as a people pleaser, over-giver and target of people taking more from me than I was comfortable with...and then wondered why I wasn't happy. I had NO boundaries at all, and in fact, I thought boundaries were mean. So, I kept getting let down, hurt, taken advantage of and frustrated. It was an unsustainable cycle of emotional destruction.
But over the years I came to realize the ONE thing that could save me from all of this inner turmoil: boundaries! It was an interesting & challenging discovery for me and I want to share my secrets with you that will make a HUGE positive impact on your life, your confidence, your business growth, your relationships, your health and your happiness..basically ALL areas of your life!
Babes, it's time to skill up by setting boundaries!
I just hosted a free training call on this topic and I want to share that with you and include the bullet points of what I mentioned in the call. However, the call is much more lush and dynamic with live interaction so I highly suggest you make some time and listen to the whole entire thing (almost an hour and a half) because you NEED this information, darling, and I'm just sharing a quick overview here (although still helpful, I hope).
To set boundaries, you first have to have high self worth and know yourself really well. You must know yourself because how can you protect yourself without knowing yourself? Boundaries are helpful when they protect your most sacred parts of yourself but still allow room for connection and vulnerability. So, a big part of boundaries is remembering who we are and what we truly value so we know how to protect those best.
Boundaries are also not demands we make out of superiority or hold blame for another person in any way. They give others a choice and a chance to connect with us, learn from us and show up in their most powerful potential. By not setting boundaries, we deny others the chance to show up in their best light. When we don't set them we allow ourselves to get taken advantage of and feel resentful, hurt, unloved, manipulated or triggered. It's also a form of avoiding ourselves and our truth when we don't set them.
By setting boundaries, we increase our quality of life, enhance our relationships, increase our self worth, increase our confidence and feel more safe in our body and being so we can shine bigger and brighter.
This archetype (and I share what this means in the call) helps you find your inner authority and power to create your life authentically and set boundaries with ease. She has the essence of a grounded and gracious woman who is courageous and confident in everything she does. More about the Queen and why I love her in the call. Use this archetype to embody her essence when setting boundaries.
How to set boundaries like a Queen
Identify Your Needs
Again, you can't protect what you don't know you are protecting and usually when we feel negative from a situation or person it's because we are not getting a need met in some way. We usually don't know we need boundaries until they are crossed. What do you really need? (more details and specific questions to ask yourself in the video).
Manage Your Energy
When you come from a Queenlike energetic space, you will be naturally magnetic and respectful, which helps enlist the other person into your needs and creates a harmonious interaction. As soon as you lose it, get angry, start yelling, argue or try to convince someone they are wrong, you lose your power. It's then time to get back into your body and that calm energy.
Use Constructive Language
Make sure everything you say is in ownership of your actions and feelings. "i" statements are really helpful in setting boundaries that are clear and non-judgey so no one will be defensive.
You have to be willing to take action if someone crosses your boundary or tell them what will happen, not tell someone else to do something. What will happen if they do?
- Set aside time to really watch this recording, I think you will find it fascinating and truly eye-opening. At the end, I live-laser-coach one woman who needs some support around boundaries and the clarity and results that come from it are super helpful for both her and all the listeners.
- Dedicate more time to dig deeper and journal on these 4 phases of boundary setting for different situations in your life, like family, business or relationships so you know where you might be falling short. Take the time to dive into this asap because boundaries are easier when set in the beginning or in preparation instead of in the moment.
- Finally, see where you need support to truly harness your self worth and begin to set boundaries from an empowered, authentic and easy place. None of us can do it alone, so find and ask for the support you need to help you.
If you would like to explore ways that I can support you in this, as I help many clients become successful in moving through self doubt, being stuck, disconnected and disempowered, you can schedule a complimentary 45-minute Inspiration Session here.
I would absolutely love to able to support you one on one in this way. If you schedule time with me, we will uncover what you specifically need to focus on and how you can begin now, and of course ways for us to continue working together if it is a right fit.
There are only a few spots left in my roster for the spring/summer, so if this feels exciting and enticing (even if it sounds scary or uncertain) I invite you to schedule your free session with me now. I believe in the power of a courageous YES, that can only be FELT in the body. Right now, I am looking for those courageous women who are ALL IN for creating their life of deep connection, success and feminine flow.
What was most valuable for you from this blog post or video? Please share in the comments below.